tear drop

Although the rain, keeps falling down; I know the sun, wont wash away. As I walk slowly through the park on this brisk autumn day, a slight smile comes to my face. The leaves fall delicately to the ground as if they were feathers from an angels wings. Beautiful colors ravish the landscape, as green, red, yellow, and orange leaves float on a cushion once reserved for our souls royalty. Each blink is like taking a snap shot of a perfect painting, which seems to get better with age. My mind wanders as I watch a couple sit on their picnic blanket, and just bask in the enjoyment of each other. If you could only see their smiles like I do, you wouldn’t be able to help but wonder if they notice the numerous geese fighting with each other in the near distance. Such a beautiful moment; who would want it to ever end? A warmness emerges my body, like the summer wind on a cold winter day. I guess this Escada scarf was worth the purchase. Love is in the air. Its like I’m perusing through a beautiful movie. My steps are lighter now. Young love; isn’t it wonderful? I would sit down but it seems that a couple is on the bench arguing. The girl is sad. A part of love that I want to forget, but keep getting confronted with, with every seasons turn. The young man hands her a card, which seems to be handmade. The girls frown turns into tears, and her eyes began to smile. Happiness again; my soul has relaxed in the moment. That little boy is running rather fast. I hope he doesn’t trip on his un-tied shoelaces. But at last he does; right into the big pile of leaves he was aiming for. Laughter moved throughout the park, as if being chased by a clown at a birthday party. I remember jumping in the leaves when I was a young child. But now I’m more concerned with keeping my pea-coat clean. And who knows what the leaves may hold? I remember when I was free as that young boy. But now sometimes I feel, like a motherless child. The trees have gotten more bare, and the leaves have forgotten the beauty of which they possessed as they drifted through the air. I turn around just in time to see the mother of the boy run, pick him up, and hold him in her arms. Why was I staring with eyes of contentment? She was so beautiful. Only the beautiful hue of this autumn day could even measure to her beauty. But as I walked backwards, gently staring at her; her eyes met mine just as I backed into a couple whom my back was turned. Through her eyes I could see years of pain, that would undoubtedly become the pain of the many who viewed through the eyes of the beholder. “I apologize”, I told the couple, as I bent down to pick up my pda of which I dropped in the collision. The journey to pick up the pda seemed like eons, as I reached towards the brick path that was curved with scattered paintings of my life. Her voice made me sad; as it was one before. How could she believe words of someone that she didn’t even know? After grasping my pda from its descent to many steps of hope; I looked up to see the man staring at me. And when I saw his eyes, I immediately knew who I was staring at. I couldn’t believe that I was in the presence of a man of such remarkable fame. Although his travels just have begun, he was known through his kindness, and the power of his words. This was no couple I bumped into, but merely a brother & sister, who have forgotten what family was about. But as I stood all the way up, I seen his pain; and immediately realized that he wasn’t the one who had forgotten. Confused by what I was seeing take place, I waved good-bye to the woman and her child. For forever had come, and I made the choice of happiness. Walking slowly, still confused and for some odd reason hurt by what I seen take place; I walked to the nearest park bench. I wiped the leaves onto the ground, and sat staring at the exit, which was only about 50 paces from where I was sitting. With my eyes being a little misty from my ups and downs throughout my walk in the park; I put my face in the leather Ferragamo gloves which covered my hands. And as I gazed toward the ground, I seen the leaves laying still in the shape of a heart. I know God is Love, and he is always with me. Wiping my eyes, I seen a beautiful woman sitting directly across from me on a bench similar to mine, just on the other side of the brick path. And as I looked at her; she looked at me. And we sat there staring into each others hearts, as our souls conversed about our individual but remarkable lives. A feeling rushed throughout my entire body. Where was this feeling coming from? Could she be doing something to me? Everything seemed like it was in slow motion, as our eyes kissed, and I un-regrettably left the matrix. Again the leaves looked so beautiful, as they fell to the ground like candy coated rain drops. “The park is closing”, said the park officer. I glanced at my left wrist to my Cartier wrist watch. I cant believe I have been sitting here starring at this woman for 8 hours. I walked briskly over to the woman and introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Mark. The park is closing now. So can I can call you sometime?”, I said with the confidence of Moses as he parted the Red Sea. “Here is my number. How about we meet tomorrow?”, she said. Lost in her beautiful voice, I said Yes without even knowing it. “Where would you like to go?”, she asked. And I responded, “Lets go to the Park”.

Walk With Me

What's good everybody. I'm back with something new for everyone. This right here is a part of a chapter I'm writing in my bruh Willie Eaton's upcoming book. I hope everyone can see the emotion and background in this. Well here it is:





“Thank you”.

The hand holding my hand was so much bigger than my own. I can remember thinking that I wanted my hands to be that big when I grew up. It’s as if I wanted to be that exact person when I got older. I went to class every day faithfully, so I could grow up and use my mind for something great. I saw all of the trophies around the house; so I played sports so that I could have some trophies of my own. Seeing the lack of money that came into the house, I learned how to budget. Feeling the lack of food that came into the house, I learned how to survive. The person whose hand held mine, I seen do many things. But there was one thing I never seen those hands do; and that was leave.

One morning I woke up, and to my surprise there was no one holding my hand any more. I looked up and down for that powerful hand that used to hold mine. That same hand, that excelled in school. That same hand, that triumphed in sports. The same hand, that brought money in the house. But to no avail, I could not find those hands any where. I asked all who would know, “where had those hands gone?”. But I did not get an answer back. It seems as if they were as affected and hurt as I was that the hands had left. Now that the hands had gone; I had become accustomed to hearing all the wrong things that those hands had done. And after some contemplation I realized that I too had witnessed all of those things; but chose to overshadow them with the good things.

I started missing class, and my mind would constantly drift away from me. At my basketball games I would look into the stands, and those hands I remember were never there. Since the money that the hands provided was translucent; I was forced to use my hands to move. Time after time my hands were used to move from one place to another. And as all of this was going on, I began to despise those hands I once envied. All I had were my hands now. And the hands that tried to help me, I would shy away from. Because it wasn’t those hands job, to do all the things that the previous hands had done before. So I used my hands to do what I could, so that my hands would be way different than the hands that used to hold mine.

I graduated high school. I graduated college. And I became successful; all with the use of my hands. I was self made. But I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without the help of my number 1 fan. My number 1 fan was there every step of the way. And I definitely appreciate the hands of my number 1 fan; which tried hard to fill the void of the hands that were missing.

Now I turn around and look across the busy street we just crossed. And I realize that it was hard for me to cross it alone. But now I look down at the small hand that is in mine, and say,

“Your Welcome”.



-Mark 'Blu Hefner' Stevens



----PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT-----

If you have a chance to help out in a young males life, then get involved. Because if we don't, then who will. The fathers aren't around. So us positive male role models need to step in and show these little boys how to be men.




Proper.

Rock the Space

the box

So its been leaked out that I have a book in the works. And dont worry people, it is coming soon. But just to quench everyones thirst, I wrote this to hold you over until the book is released. So check this out, and tell me what you think. There is a lot of meanings and hidden illiteration in this simple writing of mine. So here it is:


the box



Once I opened my eyes, all I could see was this vast land that appeared to be the same in every direction. So I started to walk. I walked until I could walk no more. Not because I was tired; but because of the barriers that were placed on me. In each direction I did the same. But once my destination reached me, the first barrier appeared again. I jumped. I jumped. And I jumped. But the top seemed so far away. As I looked up, all I could see was darkness. I was boxed in. So I closed my eyes. Soon my eyes opened again. And the light was so bright that I turned my gaze from the top to the bottom. And in the near distance, I saw a box. I immediately approached the box, only to find that it was filled with nothing. So I starred at the box for hours on end. But I could not figure out its purpose. So I decided to look in the box once more. This time was no different than the last; it was empty. As I slowly started to look away; I saw something out of the corner of my eye. So amazed at what I was seeing, I started to hyperventilate. Blowing fiercely into the box, I started to move. The wind was now blowing hard. I felt calm, as the wind stopped. I needed to see in the box much clearer, so I tore one of the flaps off of the top so I could shine some light into the box. Knowing how bright the light was to me; I decided to turn the box periodically, so it can be in darkness also. As I starred in the box; ever watching what went on inside of it. I became obsessed. I would watch night and day; wondering if what I was seeing was real. I watched until I then feel asleep. Once I opened my eyes, all I could see was a tree. Seeing this tree; I immediately gazed into the box. What came next; almost killed me. I passed out. And when I finally awaken; it seemed if I had been sleep for years. From a far closeness, I saw a woman approaching me. But where did she come from? I gazed into the box, just as a fruit fell from the tree. As I was hypnotized at what took place in the box; the woman tapped me on the shoulder. As I looked at her, she handed me the fallen fruit; and then glanced into the box. Now what happened next still puzzles me to this day. We both starred into the box; and watched tomorrows yesterday. Baffled at what persisted; we closed our eyes. And when we opened them; we finally could see outside of the box.




by

-Mark 'Blu Hefner' Stevens




Proper.

Teach Me How

How to love. How to feel. How to share.

How can one who has taught so many, not know how himself? I mean I understand the outer and inner workings of it. But yet I still make the same mistakes as others do. Except my mistakes are educated mistakes. You see, I know the difference between love and being in-love. But knowing the difference has not obtained love for me. I put my trust and faith in the Lord. I understand, know, and believe that God is love. So why must I endure the same trials as those who don’t know? I know I have my faults. But I know for a fact that I am a good man. I don’t cheat, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I don’t have any children(R.I.P. Mercedez Ania Stevens). And on top of that my record is impeccable. I have a bachelors degree, I am a member of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., I am a Prince Hall Free & Accepted Mason, amongst other prestigious affiliations. I’m a perfect gentleman. And who could forget that I am sexier than applesauce. Just a little humor for you. I have loved and lost. I have loved and won, but still lost. But not once have I been in-love.

For people who don’t know, to love and to be in-love are two entirely different things. You can love anyone. There can always be love in many situations. But everyone can not be in-love. When you are in-love nothing else matters accept that person you are in-love with. And when you are in-love the other person is in-love with you. It takes two people to be in-love. And I know a lot of you are saying that your in-love or have been in-love. But honesty you have just loved and included infatuation in it. But that does not pertain to the happily married. I believe you only can be in-love once. And that is with your soul-mate. The one specific person God has created for you.

Addiction is something that you cant stop. If you cant control your emotional state, then you must be addicted to it. How can someone say their in-love with a specific person? When in reality they are only in-love with the anticipation of the emotions their addicted to. Because the same person can fall out of favor the next week by not complying. I am not one of those people that throw around words for others or my own gratification. Now I need to understand how to use and live with my addiction. I am addicted to love.

So now I know of my desired addiction. But how do I obtain it? How do I feel it? How do I share it? God says that the man should go out and find his woman. So now I must search with the assistance of the Lord. Those who sit and wait; what are you waiting for? It will not fall in your lap. God does for those who are doing for themselves. And one thing I hear people constantly say is, “I need to find myself before I be with someone else”. And I ask you, “are you serious?”. I’m going to be completely honest with you: you will never find yourself, because you are yourself. You cant find you, but you can create you. You make you. The choices you make, make you. You cant find yourself. You must create yourself. See here I go teaching again. But seriously, I know that my soul-mate is out there. But when she comes into my life or if she is already in my life already; how can I love her?

Maybe I can teach myself. Ohh, I forgot that I tried that already. So I guess I’m back at where I started. Maybe she knows who she is, but she is afraid of letting me know. I have everything in my life except my love for her. So please teach me how to love. Show me the way to surrender my heart. Girl I'm so lost. Teach me how to love. How I can get my emotions involved? Teach me; show me how to love. So if you know its you, or you can show me. Then can you please TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE???



Proper.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

The Greatest Entertainer that ever lived died yesterday. Michael Jackson "The King of Pop" died yesterday after suffering from a cardiac arrest incident. I remember when I was little, I used to watch Michael Jackson's Moon Walker movie over and over. I owned the Michael Jackson doll, and I even owned the Michael Jackson video game for Sega Genesis. Michael Jackson was the Man! I mean who didn't want to be like Michael? My mother grew up on him; I grew up on him; and my soon to be daughter and future children will grow up on him. Michael Jackson inspired and showed many of us who came from nothing, that we could have something and succeed in the world. I know; because I was one of the many that have been inspired. Because of Michael and many others, music has became my life. So Michael; I Thank You. My condolences go out to the Jackson Family. And let Me add to the Billion of people around the world and say that Michael will be missed, but his soul will never die. Michael Jackson WILL Continue To Live On Through His Music.


R.I.P. Michael "King of Pop" Jackson



Proper.

The Tears I Cry...

Yesterday I was riding with my sister to look at some houses, and her and my nephew kept talking about how they wanted a Mercedes. I mean they kept going on and on about the different Mercedes that they liked. And as they were talking back and forth, I started to get sad. It took a lot of strength for me not to burst out into tears. Why couldn’t they say they wanted a benz like everyone else? I mean there was nothing wrong with their conversation. Because I too wanted a Mercedez. I wanted my daughter Mercedez back.

She only lived for a few seconds, but I cherish every moment that I got to spend with her. I guess it wasn’t their fault that they kept using her name. Can I ever move on? I doubt it. I mean who can move passed their child’s death?

I remember holding her in my arms. I was only 17; but the doctor felt that it would help me cope with the death if I held her. Mercedez Ania Stevens, is what we named her. I bet she would be a beautiful little girl right now. Sometimes I dream of her as a young girl holding my hand. What does that mean? I would of gave my life, just so she could live. I never experienced love at the level until then. And even now I have not experienced that love after so long. In my relationships with women I don’t even bring up sex; I let them bring up the subject. All sex will do is get me closer to maybe having another child. But what if the next child didn’t make it? I don’t think I could bear any more pain. I truly have to love a woman now to have sex with her. Its more than just sex to me, it’s a connection of our two souls. I love Mercedez. She is the only woman that has truly understood me. She understood me in the womb, and she still understands me in Heaven.

When I say I love you, I really mean it. I love you Mercedez. And whomever I ever uttered those words to; please believe that I meant it with all of my heart. I know no woman can ever replace my daughter. But I know that God has one out there that can make me feel that same love that I have for my daughter. And I know she too will make me cry; cry tears of joy.

But until then……I will continue to cry for my daughter. It is an expression of my love for her.

Rest In Peace Mercedez Ania Stevens

Your father misses you and loves you.



Proper.